I've decided. I'm going to blog. And, I'm going to try my best to keep up with it. I've been reading blogs for a while now and I love them!! But yesterday I read one that completely tore my world apart and made me want to jot (type) down everything that goes on in my life and share it. I was on thebump.com (which I'm pretty much obsessed with) when I opened a post that said, "Wear a big bow in honor of Maddie" so, naturally, I open it. I always do this...knowing it's probably going to make me a blubbering mess after reading it. Which, it did. So I proceeded on to The Staats blog. As I read it, I cried, and I cried some more, then I panicked, then cried some more. The guys here probably think I'm crazy. This couple is going through something I can't imagine going through. ever. Their 4 month old daughter which was healthy as can be, stopped breathing and passed away. How can you feel after going through something like that? I can't imagine the questions, guilt, anger, pain, and sadness they're going through. I sometimes get frustrated with Kinzi. I'm not going to lie. When she's fussing, just to be fussing because she doesn't want me to sit down while holding her...she wants to stand. But as soon as I read that, I couldn't help but feel absolutely horrible for how I feel sometimes with Kinzi. So, last night I loved on her and kissed her as much as I could. I told her I loved her, I sang to her, I played with her and just did everything I could to make sure she knew how much she meant to me. Although she's only 6 months old (almost!), I think she knows. I think a lot of us take things for granted in life. The little things too. So, this morning when I dropped her off at Memaw's, she did not want me to leave. She kept reaching for me and when I would take her back from memaw, she would rub her face on my chest (she does this when she's tired) and would hold her face right up against mine. It killed me to leave her today. I just want to hold her and love her as much as possible. I will be the first to say that I let the days fly by and think about tomorrow or the weekend, rather than living for the day. the moment. I need to step back, breathe, slow down, and enjoy things just a little more. It's the little things like being soaked with water after giving K a bath because she can't stand not to splash, the smell of her room, the teeny tiny socks I find in the oddest places, the noisy toys, the cries at 2 am (which are limited now. She sleeps like a champ), baby food flying across the kitchen, the way she smiles and reaches for me as soon as she sees and hears me say "Hi Boogie!!!!", the way she looks when she sleeps, the noises she makes when she's playing with her paci, and oh, the way she looooves that paci but continues to throw it on the floor...I could go on and on, because let's face it, she's awesome! Life is short. I want to be the best Mommy I can be!
I can't imagine loving someone more than I love this little girl.